i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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