At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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