after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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