I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
