Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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