it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
