i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize