Girls should come with a carfax report
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
