kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Randomize
