Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
