i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
