It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize