I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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