Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
