He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
