it was like his penis was on wheels.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize