ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize