I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
