Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
