you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
wow bdsm is so cute
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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