he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
