He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
