afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize