Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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