I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
