it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
