just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
