If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
