His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
