I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
