im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
