drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
