I need help removing her.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
