so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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