Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
This house was built for laser tag.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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