piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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