I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
