I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
