Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
