I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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