But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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