Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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