I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize