Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
