Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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