I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
