i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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