rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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