The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
