just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize