He uses pillows to masturbate.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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