well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
