I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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