She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize