She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
