Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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