Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
birth control should be required to get into college
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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