it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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