I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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