Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
