Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
