Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
